EXCLUSIVE: THE CHERRY TREE TALKS….

GOT A PHONE CALL LATE SATURDAY NIGHT AND WAS TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN INDIVIDUAL AT A BAR IN EAST NASHVILLE.  THIS PERSON HAD INFORMATION ABOUT THE CHOPPING DOWN OF THE CHERRY TREES DOWNTOWN.  IT SEEMED LIKE A LEGITIMATE OPPORTUNITY SO I GOT IN MY CAR AND DROVE TO THE ARRANGED SPOT.  THE MEETING HAD BEEN SET FOR 9:30 IN THE P.M., BUT NOW, IT WAS ALMOST 10.  AS I GOT UP TO LEAVE, I FELT SOMETHING ON MY SHOULDER, TELLING ME NOT TO GET UP AND DON’T TURN AROUND.  THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.  IT WAS AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH A SOON TO BE CHOPPED,  DOWNTOWN CHERRY TREE.   

*******************************************

“WHEN DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE BEING CHOPPED DOWN?”

“GOT A CALL EARLY SATURDAY MORNING.  ONE OF MY BUDDIES IS A TREE AT OPRYLAND.  GOES THROUGH THIS EVERY YEAR, GETTING CHOPPED OR NOT, AND SAID, ‘MAN,  YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS.”

“WHAT WAS YOUR IMMEDIATE REACTION?”

“YOU REMEMBER THAT JOHN BOBBITT DUDE?  THAT WAS MY IMMEDIATE REACTION.  SPEECHLESS AND COULD NOT BELIEVE IT.  I HAVEN’T BEEN THIS UPSET THAT SINCE SOME CHICK IN ONE OF THOSE IRRITATING PEDAL TAVERNS STOPPED AND PUKED ALL OVER ME.  AND THEN URINATED ON ME.  I WAS THAT MAD!”

“HOW ARE YOUR FELLOW TREES TAKING THIS NICE.  SURELY, NOT LAYING DOWN.”  (AUDIBLE LAUGH FROM AN AWFUL JOKE.)

“HEY FAT BOY, YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?  IT ISN’T.  IT IS HEARTBREAKING.  TO FIND YOU ARE BEING CHOPPED DOWN SO THE NFL CAN PUT A STAGE UP FOR A FEW HOURS, IS DISHEARTENING.”

“WELL THEY HAVE OFFERED TO MOVE YOU TO WHEREVER YOU WANT, DID YOU KNOW THAT?”

“I TOLD THEM I WANT TO BE MOVED OVER BY A STRIP BAR AND AWAY FROM THESE GOD-AWFUL HONKY TONKS.  HAVE YOU HEARD THESE SINGERS DOWN HERE?  THAT’S ALMOST ENOUGH TO MAKE ME CHOP MYSELF DOWN.  WHICH IS ILLEGAL IN 8 STATES.”

“WHO DO YOU THINK IS TO BLAME IN ALL OF THIS?  THE NFL?  THE CITY?  BOTH?  NEITHER?  OR MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE IS TELLING THEM TO DO IT, MAYBE?”

“JESUS MAN, YOU GOT A QUESTION IN THERE?  COME OUT WITH IT.  I THINK IT IS EVERYONE  THEY THOUGHT THEY WOULD JUST CHOP US DOWN AND NO ONE WOULD CARE.  THEY THOUGHT THEY COULD BULLY US.  I EVEN WENT TO THE TENNESSEAN WHEN I HEARD ABOUT THIS BUT THEY’VE MOVED TO SOME STORAGE FACILITY IN ANTIOCH AND THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM GOING TO ANTIOCH.  INSERT YOUR OWN JOKE IN THERE.”

“WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL ULTIMATELY HAPPEN?

“NFL WILL GET THEIR WAY AND WE WILL BE CHOPPED DOWN.  I HAVE HAD A GOOD LIFE.  SEEN SOME AMAZING THINGS.  SAW PEOPLE COME OUT FROM ACE OF CLUBS AND PUKE INTO THE CUMBERLAND.  WATCHED IDIOTS GO OVER TO THE STADIUM AND ROOT FOR A TEAM THAT CAN’T WIN.  I HAVE HAD A GOOD RUN.  I HAVE TO GO.  REMEMBER, BIG JOHN, THEY WILL COME FOR YOU EVENTUALLY. “

 

AND WITH THAT, THE TREE WAS GONE.  HIS UBER HAD ARRIVED.  DESTINATION UNKNOWN.  AND ONE LESS VOICE IN THIS EVER GROWING LOUD CITY.

@BIGJOEONTHEGO

 

 

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *