Growing up, Domino’s Pizza had a slogan that we all remember. 30 minutes or less and we used to count down the seconds because if they were late, that was a free pizza, which became half off and I am not sure if they do it anymore.
In basketball, they have a shot clock when you come down the court. The NBA has a :24 second one which means you have that time to shoot the basketball or you have to turn it over. It is the best thing about that league because you have to hurry up and get it done.
Now, we need to apply the same principle to commencement speakers at graduation. I get it is a huge honor and it can be a bit overwhelming to get up there and talk but my goodness, some of y’all are taking way too long. I read that one person spoke for an hour at graduation. The only person I want to hear talk for an hour is St. Peter telling me why I made it into heaven.
Also, we need one of those canes they had in the vaudeville days that whenever a speaker says, “The world is yours,” they are immediately yanked off the stage. Back to the time part of this, I think eight minutes is more than enough time to tell the young men and women of today that the world is yours. I am kidding, please don’t tell them that. Eight minutes is the perfect amount of time to get it all in. Remember, this is not about you.
First off, let’s have that shot clock in the back of the auditorium or wherever counting down from eight minutes. Have the P.A. announcer for the Preds, Paul McCann say when you get halfway, “THERE IS FOUR MINUTES LEFT IN THE SPEECH!” That is a great time to do that and when he gets to one minute, you already know what Paul is going to say. Imagine how much this would be to see the speaker get nervous when the clock is ticking down. At :10, the entire audience, loudly, starts counting down to one and start playing the “Shut Up” music they use at The Oscars.
I am absolutely loving this!
If I ever get asked to speak, which is pretty much nil after this gets published, is to crack a few jokes, PG of course, and then get right into it. Also, did I tell you that a speaker talked for nearly an hour? Oh, yes, I did, I just wanted to reiterate that point.
Here they are: You do not want to go to jail. Do not park like a jerk. Open the door for any and everyone. You are going to fail and fall on your face, but if you fall on your face, you are falling forward so that is okay. All bleeding eventually stops. Ask God every day and night for opportunities. Never buy a Rolex from a man who is out of breath. Never quit and always show up. Do not embarrass your mom. Stopping to rest is not stopping to quit. Know what gratitude really means and apply it daily. Great things do not come to those who wait, it comes to those who get up and go.
Goodness, that is less than eight minutes. See? Now on with the program.
