Recently, I was driving down Broadway leaving downtown and I looked over to my right and saw the car dealership that used to be there, Jim Reed Chevrolet, is gone and the property is for sale. It probably happened awhile ago and I am just now noticing it, since I am usually five good years behind anything cool or going on.
Why I care though, is another reason. After I flamed out at Samford University, I came home and needed to work so I decided to become a car salesman at Jim Reed. When I say flamed out, it was bad. My car had been repossessed and if Wikipedia had a loser page, I would be the poster boy. I wasn’t just any car salesman, but the worst car salesman of all time. They assigned me to the corner of 17th avenue and the Isuzu office. No one came up to that corner, heck even Lewis & Clark would have passed it by. I think they wanted me as far away from all the foot traffic that came into the Chevrolet part of the dealership.
There was a manager up there, good guy, who let us do our own thing all of the time. Now across the street, where the Conrad Hotel is now, was another lot owned by Jim Reed. The showroom there was where all the Subaru’s were located and no one ever came to look at them. No. One. That showroom was quiet and cool and was the perfect place to sleep off hangovers, cause I had more of them than money.
More on that in a minute but being a car salesman is an often humiliating job. I would spot a customer out on the lot and the manager would yell, “We have an up,” and a salesman would go out to meet them. 98% of the time, the ‘customer’ would not be happy to see us. One time, I walked out and said, “Good afternoon.” The man stepped in front of his wife and actually said to me, “If you take one step towards us, I am knocking you out and you are losing a sale.” I also edited out all the 4-letter words that were supposed to go inside that quotation. I said, in my usual sarcastic tone, “what if I let you knock me out and still get the sale.” He did not like that.
Another time, I go out to greet a couple and he says, “Hey man, you know those banners that they wear at the Miss America pageant, telling us what state they are from?” “Oh yes, like Tennessee, Alabama, like that?” He counters with, “I want you to go back inside and put one on and write ‘I’m a dumb—-‘ on it and come back out.” (4 letters, begins with S.) I started to laugh knowing that one punch from me would launch him into the middle of Broadway. There are countless and countless more of these stories as well.
My personal favorite is that one time, I was out all night long and had very little sleep. I had a friend drop me off at work and we had our sales meeting at 9, then back on the lot. I told the salesman next to me, I was going to the bathroom and would be back soon. Instead of going to the bathroom, I went across the street to the Subaru lot and opened up the back door of a car in the showroom, and crawled in and went to sleep. I slept for hours and no one looked for me. In the middle of this illustrious lumber, I heard the door to the Subaru open and through hazy eyes, I saw Glen, the other salesman, and two customers. He said to them, “Unfortunately, he does not come with the car,” and slammed the door. I had been asleep for five hours in the back of that car. I felt as if I was being smuggled into Bonnaroo.
Oh, two of the six months I worked there, I was salesman of the month and that is purely by luck and a story for another day. I was 21 years old and as I write this and reflect back, half of me laughs and other half wants to kick the butt of that other half laughing.
Live and learn.
Also, I quit with an Irish goodbye because I did not have a car at this point and rode the city bus. The bus had a stop in front of the dealership at 1 and I was hopping on that bad boy. Crazy as well that a car salesman did not own a car. Told you I was a disaster. I knew I was quitting, got my last paycheck, told my boss I was going to lunch, he asked me to pick something up for him from the Subway that was on 21st. I said no problem and actually got orders for three other salesmen and said I would be right back and the lunch was on me. They were very happy.
I walked across the street, hopped on that bus, and never came back.
