One of the best books you will ever read is The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom. It is seriously one of the finest books ever written. So I have to apologize to you, Mr. Albom, as I take part of your title for this story I am about to write.
Every January, all the gyms, crossfit centers, whatever, are packed with people as they make their annual resolutions to get in shape and lose weight and all of that. Now for some, this will be their first time in a gym in a year, or years, or maybe in their lifetime and that is OK. One thing you will find is that no matter what gym you go to and where it is, there are always these five people in the gym. They were here long before us and will be here long after us.
Let’s meet the five people you will meet in the gym.
1-The Talk Non-Stop Guy——You will get tired of this guy after the first ten seconds. This is the guy who will start talking to you and won’t stop the entire time you are in the gym. He will even talk to you as he is on his machine or lifting dumbbells. Then while you are working on your machine, he will stand over you or next to you like Lombard in Office Space. I hate to ruin this for you but he will never leave and if you pretend to talk on the phone, he will wait. Trust me, he will wait. Oh, also, avoid him at all costs in the locker room and I do not have to explain that any further.
2-The Do Nothing Guy——–This guy is simply fascinating. He will walk around for hours and do absolutely nothing in the gym. Absolutely nothing. I have seen them get on a stationary bike, not pedal and just watch television for the longest time. You will usually notice this guy hanging out at the water fountain every chance he gets and it makes no sense. He may or may not get on a machine and do a couple of reps or sit there for the longest. I am always amazed by this guy because the hardest part at the gym, is just making yourself go. Why not work out now? I don’t get it.
3-The Tiger Woods Effect—-I love this! Follow me here because once I explain this, you will see this in a whole different way. If you go golf, and this is at any golf course, you will see guys dressed head to toe as if they are Tiger Woods. The tight Nike shirt, the pants, the shoes, the hat, the gloves, the clubs, the tees, the bag, the sunglasses and the strut. They really think they are the next Tiger. I promise you that the large majority of these guys are just terrible golfers. The worst. You will see these guys in the gym. Dressed with the latest workout gear and just yapping and yapping. They also have the worst form and watch them do a deadlift. You will swear their back is about to explode. Don’t get me started on their squats. Nope.
4-The Grunt Guy——-This guy is also quite fascinating because you will hear him and not be able to locate him. Then you will see him and his grunts can set off car alarms. I get it if you are pushing 500 pounds over your head but rarely are they doing it. They are the reason God gave us air pods.
5-The Let Me Show You How It Is Done Guy—-He is eerily similar to the talk non-stop guy but that guy knows his place. The LMSYHIIDG does not. They will offer unsolicited advice and just nod your head at first because they will keep going. You will think he has disappeared but then he will suddenly reappear. Then he is gone again but you will notice him across the way, telling someone how to use that machine or how to have proper form. Ironically, all this guy ever does is sit on the leg extensions and do 33 sets or on the curl machine, doing 38 sets. He is really harmless, but like a kiosk worker at the mall, do not make eye contact.
There you go, the five you will absolutely meet. We could have added ten more to this list. If it seems as this is a Progressive commercial with Dr. Rick, it probably will be at some point.
Regardless, get to the gym and just go all in with your workouts and don’t look back.