The Past Tense

She hated the fuss that came every year with it.  In fact, if it was up to her, she would have never mentioned or even dropped a hint about it.  It was nothing to her but everything to me and my brother and sister.  I would always tell her, “Mom it is your day and you are not going to stop us from celebrating.”

July 10th was my mom’s birthday and this simple sentence is something I will never get used to saying, writing, or even reading.  All because of one word that is in there.


Let the struggle with the past tense begin and it has been a battle.  The first time I corrected myself in that, it was just weird and realized it was something I would have to do forever.


The past tense.

Eleven years after she went to her heavenly home, I still pause when I refer to her birthday or anything that involved her.  How could I regulate someone who meant the world to me and I thought would live forever, to a past tense when I referred to her?  She loved going to play bingo.  She loved any Bruce Willis movie.  She loved Christmas time with all of us.  And on and on and on.

The past tense.  I just can’t do it.

I have spoken to a few others who have lost a loved one and they to have to stop sometimes as well when referring to that person and have to put them in the past tense.   If we live long enough, unfortunately it is a category with names that get bigger and bigger.

I wish had this conversation while my mom was here because boy, she would have a good laugh.  Making another fuss over her that would be completely unwarranted, I am pretty sure she would say.

Instead I will do the next best thing that I do every year on her birthday.  Pay her a visit and get her caught up on everything that is going on with the kids and me.

The past tense, you will have to sit this one out.

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