Sh*t People Say

In the past month, it has rained A LOT in Nashville.  Basically, every single day, it rains.  Sometimes for 30 minutes.  Sometimes all day long.
Every single day it is raining.  And the worst part?  Not your grass growing constantly.  Not cancelling outdoor activities.
THE worst part of the rain in Nashville is this.
‘What are we, Seattle?’
People saying that all the damn time.
‘What are we, Seattle?’
So the JOJO went and did a little research and according to this,, Nashville gets way more rain that Seattle does.
Their average is 37 inches a year.  Nashville’s is 48.  (Of course men did this chart, so it is more like 12 inches.  AmIRight Ladies?)
Anyhoo, I heard at least 5 different people say this today and I got to thinking, what other things do we say, where we really don’t have a damn clue what it means, or we just say it, to be saying it……..Here goes….

‘It’s about 15 minutes from here.’ -Bull shi*t!  Nothing is 15 minutes from anywhere when you are asking for directions.


‘Looks like a war zone out here.”-A TV reporter said this one time and I asked her, ‘have you ever been to a war zone?’  She said, ‘nope.’  And I replied, ‘so why would you say that?’ She paused and then said, ‘I don’t know.’


‘Oh, that is God’s country down there.’- Really, Is it?  Is Israel over there?  Then no, it is not God’s country. 


‘Hot enough for ya?’-Oh, why would you ask that?  Cause I am about to have a heat stroke, or the fact that is 107 outside and I am sweating to death? Look, I get the small talk, I would rather you say, ‘Hi,’ and keep moving. 


‘Bless your heart.’-This can be construed so many ways.  This has become the country slang for,  ‘What a fu*king idiot!’  Jim has gained 85 pounds, he is huge-Bless his heart.  She looks like a pig-Bless her heart.  Oh Lord, she hasn’t had a date since Flipper was a minnow-Bless her heart.


‘Just fell off the turnip truck.’-I heard this just the other day.  First off, if you fall off any truck, you are pretty damn dumb.  But, if you do it off a turnip truck, you are REALLY dumb.  


‘His elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.’-I LOVE LOVE LOVE this one because I always respond with, ‘And?’  Watching people try to explain this, is absolutely beautiful.  Try it next time.  They get so pissed off in about 30 seconds trying to explain it. 


‘Couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag.’-It is usually, a ‘brown’ paper bag too.  Next time some one says this, reply with, ‘what if he does?’  The look you get, will be epic.

And finally, my new favorite expression..

‘The Wheel is turning, but the hamster, is dead.’-Absolutely beautiful.  I challenge you guys to use it at least once a day.


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