OK, 2 days into the new year, the resolutions are still going strong.
And when people tell you they don’t make resolutions, they are lying.
Everyone makes them. Even if you say you don’t make a resolution, you made one when you said you don’t make one.
Sorry, that made no sense.
Well our good friends, the SEC football coaches have made resolutions and we just got the list here at BIGJOEONTHEGO.com.
Well a few of them did.
To learn the words to ‘Rocky Top.’
Not punch anyone who calls him by his first name, Lyle.
To not puke when he hears the words, Anchor Down.
To smile and not got mad when Smokey humps his leg.
To stop imitating Phillip Fulmer by talking like Hank Hill.
To not puke when I see Orange,
unless it is Texas orange. (Hmmm)
To learn the right words to Vandy’s fight song, Dynamite, and instead say “Dynamite” and not, “Jimmy Frank, Jimmy Frank” every time.
To get Lazik surgery.
Not to punch anyone who says I look like this guy:
To smile more.
To wave more.
To open up my horizons and embrace people.
To stay in Miami forever.
(Ed.Note-This list was written in 2006. We asked about a current list but our pets kept coming up missing, so we stopped asking.)
To finally figure out what LSU means.
To visit a comedy club
To meet that Mayhem guy
Get my license changed over
To learn the words to Chariots of Fire
To never go back to Arkansas
To tip Trooper Taylor when he washes my windows at that one red light
To return Gene Chizik’s emails. All 12, 342 of them
To try and understand what Bo Jackson is saying at all times
To stop writing Wisconsin on all my checks
To not punch assholes when they mispronounce my name. It is Bee-la-ma. Not Bulimia.
To lose a few pounds. Just kidding.
Stop saying the S at the end of Arkansas. Hicks around here get really pissy about that.
And not got mad when opposing fans say I look like someone famous:
To actually eat a live alligator
To update my resume on Monster.com
To stop prank calling sports talk shows and saying how great ‘Will Muschamp’ is
To call Dad once a week and tell him I love him:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
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