President’s Day, (Via Facebook)

Happy President’s Day.
A day to take a moment and reflect on the men who have led this great nation.
But what if Facebook had been around for them to update their status and this, their special day?
Never worry, we got it for you.
President’s Day, via Facebook.


Thanks for all the telegraphs and hand written notes. Thanks for the fruit basket the Adamses dropped off, although the oranges tasted like arsenic. Thanks to Martha for the gift card to Ye Old Tavern. No thanks to the British who sh*t in the casserole that Ben Franklin left at my back door.


Thanks for all the well wishes and kind words. I am looking forward to a nice dinner with Thelma, Harriet, Laura, Louise, Beatrice, Tammy, Rhonda and my kids, Adam, Allan, Jerome, Theo (after one of the black kids on the Cosby show), Lance, Nicky, Clancy, Peter, Othello, Henry, Zeus, Marty, Edwin, Vince, Wilbur, Gabby, Tina, Madea, Sondra, Penelope, Nance, Crystal, Veronica, Uzra, Willona and Jerome.


First, f*k off. To the Wilsons, your cake was the worst thing I have ever put in my mouth and I have eaten a dead person. Secondly, nice try Indians by doing the ole put dog sh*t in a bag, light it on fire and ring my doorbell. And the groupon Lewis and Clark gave me for Applebees, was EXPIRED!!! You stupid asses!


I gotta say to Daniel Day Lewis, well done! And Sally Field was much hotter than Mary. (Sorry Mary, crazy bitch.) I said all men are created equal but whoever ate most of my birthday cake before I got back from the front lines, can go eff themselves. Thanks to J Bot for the season pass to the theater. And to Comcast, is it that hard to get CSPAN in HD? What do I need to do, another amendment? Shut your ass, Limbaugh!


Really? Not one thank you? Not one card? Nothing! I literally got nothing.


I enjoyed a nice day with family and friends, although little Franklin shat under my desk. That is why you don’t invite family to the big house. Thanks for all the teddy bears too. (sarcasm.)


Thank you Jackie for the wonderful blanket. Thank you ‘Mike’ for the lotion. Thanks ‘Gary’ for the cologne. Thank you ‘Robert” for the after shave. Thank you ‘Mark’ for the cuff links. Thanks to ‘William’ for the shoes. Thank you ‘Alan’ for the watch. Thank you ‘Dave’ for the wonderful evening.


I didn’t do it. Whatever it is, I did not do it.

Thanks for all the jelly beans. Thanks for all the G** D**N jelly beans. Jesus, wish I would have never opened my mouth.


Awww yeh….*wink* You know….*Wink-wink*

George W. Bush

Huh? President’s Day? Is that when a mattress is real cheap like?

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