Here we go again.
About every 4 weeks, seems there is another paper, or magazine or paper magazine telling us how Nashville is the new IT city. “Come visit,” they all say and while you are there, go do this go do that, etc.
That is all great.
But this list I am about to give you, is not for those living in Music City. It is for those who are wanting to come visit.
This is the only place you will see a list of 10 reasons, not to come.
Why? It is to save your damn life!
1) INTERSTATE 440
It is a 7 mile stretch around Nashville, but if you get on it during rush hour, you will never be heard from again. It is the Bermuda Triangle of highways. You get on, you disappear. That will screw your vacation up.
2) HONKY TONKS
These are all fake. Props left over from the movie, W.W. and the Dixie Dance Kings. Merely window dressing.
3) STREET MUSICIANS
They look harmless and fun, but most are cannibals from third world countries. They have kidnapped and eaten many tourists. You come here, you are next.
4) RYMAN AUDITORIUM
Ahh, the Mother Church of country music. The historic Ryman Auditorium. Avoid at all costs. They sacrifice virgins there, every night. Most are from Wisconsin and Canada.
5) OUR PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION
BAD. I MEAN IT WORKS FOR US BUT FOR YOU ALL VISITING, NOPE.
6) THE PEOPLE OF NASHVILLE
WE ARE A FRIENDLY BUNCH, BUT…..
7) TAYLOR SWIFT
SURE, COME TO TOWN AND LOOK FOR TAYLOR SWIFT.
I AM KIDDING. SHE LIVES ON ANOTHER PLANET.
DON’T LET THOSE PHOTOS FOOL YOU ABOUT HOW GREAT THE SHOPPING IS HERE IN NASHVILLE. THIS IS IT. ONE STORE. NOT EVEN A DAMN REDBOX OUTSIDE.
ONE FLIGHT IN AND ONE FLIGHT OUT, EVERY OTHER DAY. GETTING INTO NASHVILLE IS BRUTAL AND GETTING AROUND, EVEN MORE BRUTAL. (SEE MULE ABOVE.)
10) NASHVILLE’S SPORTS TEAMS
THEY ARE WORSE THAN THEY LOOK. REALLY BAD. NO ONE GOES. NOT EVEN YOU SHOULD.
OH OH OH OH…I FORGOT TO ADD….
YOU HAVE TO GET THIS DONE, BEFORE DURING AND
AFTER YOUR VISIT TO NASHVILLE…
A TETANUS SHOT. A TETANUS SHOT YOU MUST GET.
THERE YOU HAVE IT. 10 REASONS NOT TO COME TO NASHVILLE. NOW GO TO BRANSON, OR DESTIN, OR ANYPLACE, BUT NASHVILLE. AS YOU CAN SEE, NO FUN AT ALL.