Yeeeeee-Hawwwwwww!!!!

Here they come! By the thousands and thousands. Fan Fair is underway in Nashville. The annual event where fans try to get up close and personal with their favorite stars, while their favorite stars stock up on Lysol and gallons and gallons of hand sanitizer.

Country music fans come in all shapes and sizes and I mean, all shapes and sizes. And they sweat. Oh Lord do they sweat. Walk into any honky tonk in downtown Nashville during Fan Fair without air conditioning and you will

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think you are in a 5th world country. Yep, that bad. I actually left a bar during Fan Fair (it is now called CMA Fan Fest or some garbage) when a lady, in a tank top and bigger than the U.S.S. Nimitz, had full throttle arm pit hair. Worse than Robin Williams. Still, to this day, when I think about it, I wanna puke.

But the winner in all of this is not Nashville, nor the bars, nor the novelty shops, nope. The envelope please………

And the winner is……..

The makers of Fanny Packs.

Yes, Fanny Packs. You know what I am talking about. (Full disclosure-I wear a fanny pack when I run the half-marathon each year.) Anyhoo, some of the fanny packs I have seen over the years have made me think, when they are making them in China, those workers have to be saying to each other, ‘My God, are people in America that big? They cant be!’ Yes. Yes we are. Fanny pack makers make a mint each year at fan fest. And they get richer each year.

Fan Fair in Nashville is alive and underway

Fan Fair in Nashville is alive and underway

So if you live in the suburbs and you see people, wearing a fanny pack, a ‘I Miss June and Johnny’ T-shirts, that are 8 sizes too small and boots that took 10 cows to make, calmly walk over and point them

Having plates

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back to downtown Nashville.

And don’t make eye contact. Trust me.

 

 

9 Comments

  1. Joe Dubin June 5, 2013 2:14 am  Reply

    Oh MY! this is hilarious!

  2. Diane Rosenburg June 5, 2013 2:40 am  Reply

    LOL, damn now I have to throw away my fanny pack! After seeing that pic of Patrick, I could never wear one with a straight face again! Guess I’ll stuff “my stuff” in my bra!
    THANKS for the fashion tip Joe!
    Hey next week give us your opinion on t-shirts with the cutoff sleeves, how many are too many for tramp stamps, and what ya think about Marty Stuart still wearing the same hair-do from the 90’s! I’ll be on pins & needles…..

  3. Dirk June 5, 2013 2:57 am  Reply

    Hey Joe, longtime reader 1st-time commenter here… I just wanted to see if you knew whether Scarlett & Gunnar are going to perform at Fan Fest this year?

    Also wanted to say I love the site! There’s none of that stuff that bogs down my dial-up AOL service, like pop-up ads, videos, and color.

  4. Carmen Jenkins June 5, 2013 3:10 am  Reply

    Hilarious, but oh so true!! When I worked downtown, I HATED Fain Fair week. Polyester and hair spray was on overload that week. Yuck!

  5. Brutus June 5, 2013 3:41 am  Reply

    I remember Fan Fair well. I worked it in 84 & 85 when it was at the fairgrounds. Lee greenwood (all 5 ft. Of him) was the big wig with “God bless the USA”. Some really messed up people came and as HS students we were brutal on them. Best memory was driving a rental van back to the Opry to get ready for night show, we were only ones there for about an hour and played hide n seek in the entire Grand Old Opry.

  6. Amanda Hooten June 5, 2013 4:52 am  Reply

    Joe Dubin what would we do without!! Now my managing skills just got crazy busy, not only am I continuing to work on you hosting the ESPYS but I have to put forth the effort for your journalism award and best website!!

  7. keith June 5, 2013 1:04 pm  Reply

    Ok Joe, you know as a runner that you have a fuelbelt, that really is a fanny pack.

  8. Nikki Hefelfinger June 3, 2014 2:37 am  Reply

    Don’t forget the Hippies! McMinville next week. I <3 Nashville!

    • Joe Dubin June 4, 2014 12:05 am  Reply

      But they stay FARRRRRR away…

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