Here they come! By the thousands and thousands. Fan Fair is underway in Nashville. The annual event where fans try to get up close and personal with their favorite stars, while their favorite stars stock up on Lysol and gallons and gallons of hand sanitizer.
Country music fans come in all shapes and sizes and I mean, all shapes and sizes. And they sweat. Oh Lord do they sweat. Walk into any honky tonk in downtown Nashville during Fan Fair without air conditioning and you will
think you are in a 5th world country. Yep, that bad. I actually left a bar during Fan Fair (it is now called CMA Fan Fest or some garbage) when a lady, in a tank top and bigger than the U.S.S. Nimitz, had full throttle arm pit hair. Worse than Robin Williams. Still, to this day, when I think about it, I wanna puke.
But the winner in all of this is not Nashville, nor the bars, nor the novelty shops, nope. The envelope please………
And the winner is……..
The makers of Fanny Packs.
Yes, Fanny Packs. You know what I am talking about. (Full disclosure-I wear a fanny pack when I run the half-marathon each year.) Anyhoo, some of the fanny packs I have seen over the years have made me think, when they are making them in China, those workers have to be saying to each other, ‘My God, are people in America that big? They cant be!’ Yes. Yes we are. Fanny pack makers make a mint each year at fan fest. And they get richer each year.
So if you live in the suburbs and you see people, wearing a fanny pack, a ‘I Miss June and Johnny’ T-shirts, that are 8 sizes too small and boots that took 10 cows to make, calmly walk over and point them
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back to downtown Nashville.
And don’t make eye contact. Trust me.