Here we go, on to week 6 of the college football season and the coach speak is in full throttle my friends.
Now is when it gets fun. Some teams are way over performing. Some are tanking.
While most, still trying to figure out whether to laugh or cry.
So again, we get through the “Coach Speak,” to what they really meant to say.
“It is true. We struggled against Kentucky but we are young team, still getting to know each other. But you know, each Saturday is a new opportunity to erase the past and start something new.”
“Hold up, Georgia is next? As in the Bulldogs? As in Todd Gurley? When is that damn bye week? Where is my step-ladder? I am about to smack the AD.”
“Our guys were mad after that Georgia game. They felt like they let one slip through their hands. They were raring to get back on the practice field Monday and to prepare for a very good and well coached Florida football team.”
“I haven’t raised my voice or said anything salient since that idiot at Chik-Fil-A left the Polynesian sauce out of my to go order. I was not happy about that. I had to use BBQ sauce.”
“Welp, I told y’all after the Vandy game, we weren’t that good. Now y’all see what we are made of. We let that team with the bunch of queers on it, Missouri, come down here and push us around. It is sad. Hell, I am embarrassed.”
“Welp, I told y’all after the Vandy game, we weren’t that good. Now y’all see what we are made of. We let that team with the bunch of queers on it, Missouri, come down here and push us around. It is sad. Hell, I am embarrassed. And I wear Depends.”
“We had an open week, a chance to get better in a lot of areas that, quite frankly, weren’t so good, heading into the open week. So we worked on getting better and improving. That’s what we did during the open week.”
“Any of you seen that show Dexter? A few? Why? You will find out soon enough.”
“Ya know, I get a little sick and tired of being asked if I am on the hot seat. Every week I come in here and it is the same question about the damn hot seat. I think it is poor journalism. We got a big game against Tennessee on Saturday, want to ask about that?”
‘YES, I AM ON THE GOT DAMN HOT SEAT. HAPPY NOW?! Y’ALL MOTHER FU**KERS HAPPY NOW?! ARE YOU? ANSWER THE QUESTION NOW. NOT SO EASY IS IT, YOU SONSABITCHES!!!”
“We don’t accept moral victories here. I haven’t accepted them in my entire career, and won’t start now. We played A&M tough and we played Auburn tough, but this game is about wins and losses, and we lost both of them.”
“Anybody know what time that Golden Corral off of 4th and Main closes on Thursdays?”
“Talk about where the rubber meets the road. It is this Saturday. If you want to see what football is all about, LSU and Auburn, down there, one state over, is going to be a battle. Not one state but two states over, right? There is Mississippi and then Alabama? Or is it the other way around? No, I had it right first, right? Anyway, it is going to be a grown man football game being played by a bunch of men who have not grown up yet or are in the process of growing up. It will be awhile til they are really men. Like real men. Get married, become a dad, get a job and so forth. That is when you become a man.”