Well Vanderbilt made news today when they fired their offensive coordinator Karl Dorrell after only one year.
Dorrell’s play calling was as bad as the last year of Seinfeld, just awful.
For those that don’t know, a offensive coordinator is someone who calls the play that the offense runs.
Or in Vandy’s case, tries to run.
So, they need someone who is dynamic, creative and lastly, knows their way around Nashville. (Not really on the last one.)
There will be other lists, but this is the only one that matters. Here they are in no particular order.
He knows Nashville
He is probably bored which means he has all the time to watch game films.
He is beloved.
And he can say in a promo, “I’ll see ya, at a Vandy game.”
Trust me on this. Or not.
DRUNK MICHAEL JORDAN
Goes for it on every play.
Will probably be asleep by half which means he would have already coached more than Karl Dorrell.
I like this one.
You should too.
Plus he is worth a billion dollars.
He would be so drunk, drinks for everyone at a Vandy game.
That would give them at least 15,000 there.
FAKE SIGN LANGUAGE GUY
DAMMIT! I am getting this guy a job somewhere.
He would call the signals and the defense would think he is faking it, but in reality, he is calling the plays so it confuses the defense, almost as much as this sentence has confused me.
JUST HIRE HIM ALREADY!
FORMER KENTUCKY QB JARED LORENZEN
Tell me why not? And I will tell you, you’re right.
And there is a slight chance he would eat a player.
But, he knows the SEC and he is used to losing, so he would be perfect to coach at Vandy.
And there is a Wendy’s next to the stadium.
I like this one a lot! Look at his expression. That is the same expression Vandy fans have had for 50 years, except for the 3 when King James was here.
He would take no gruff, he would not put up with nonsense and he is also very, very rich.
He would do it for free.
TORONTO MAYOR ROB FORD
Tell me you would not watch EVERY single Vandy game if they hired this clown!!
His play calling would be so outrageous, hell, it just might work.
Plus, that pic above is him sleeping in some dude’s seat in the middle of the 2nd quarter.
I swear, Vandy, if you hire Rob Ford, I will buy season tickets for the rest of my life.
He started his coaching career at Vandy, might as well come back home.
Pretty sure a lot of Titans fans might help with the move.
Plus, he uses big words sometimes and that will be perfect at Vandy.
And, he isn’t used to winning and won’t complain.
#1 ON THE BIG JOE LIST IS…..
Need we say anymore?
Joe is an award winning all around good guy, think John Wayne, who proudly displays his EMMY award on top of his Murrow Award, which sits on top of of Tennessee AP 2011 Sports Feature of the Year Award plaque. Joe likes to play checkers at Cracker Barrel and then shop online at Lane Bryant.