…..My Moment With Death…..

One of my all time favorite movies is Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Seen it a hundred times.

One of my all time least favorite scenes is in that movie and I think we all know

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what I am talking about.

indy-snakes1-650x360

Yep, the one with the snakes.

I hate snakes.

Hate them with a passion.

I blame my sweet mother for making me hate them, because she hated them.

Look at this pic and tell me you don’t get all squirmy.

snakes

Exactly.

So, Thursday afternoon, while mowing my back yard, I bent down to move a branch and underneath it, a snake.

I thought I was going to die.

I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move. Paralyzed.

This is the one image I had going through my mind.

MORNINGSTAR

I have not seen a snake like that in years, (thats what she said), and I had no clue what to do next.

“Don’t kill it, they are harmless. They are more afraid of you. They just want to be your friend.” I can hear some snake lover saying that now.

Look, I don’t want to be his buddy.

I don’t want to do this with them.

playing-catch

We aren’t buddies.

Anyway, he slithered off in the other direction and I went at him with the mower.

I am not sure

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what happened next. I almost blacked out. My heart was beating so fast, I was breathing like I just ran a 40 yard dash and I wanted to order a drone strike on the entire backyard.

Where there was one, there had to be more. A lot more.

I put the mower in the garage and came inside my house.

My terror was over, for now. And of course, this story will get embellished. The more I tell it, the more it will be like this.

Lion Chase

Now the problem is what to do next. I tweeted out that my backyard can look like Madonna’s armpits, I don’t care and right now, I don’t.

Because he is out there. Waiting.

Meanwhile, the only snake I ever really cared about, is this one.

stabler

@BIGJOEONTHEGO

3 Comments

  1. Jane April 10, 2014 9:41 pm  Reply

    you’re going to have to hire help. Better start a fundraising campaign immediately!

  2. toomuchcountry April 10, 2014 9:59 pm  Reply

    Early 90s, we had our first home. I was traveling a lot around that time and unable to provide husband caliber duties in more ways than one. We had a leaky outdoor water tap. My wife used to refill our dog’s water bowl in middle of summer. One day she said the ground felt squishier than others. She looked closer and realized she had been STANDING on a snake. She didn’t freak but she had to call a neighbor to get ride if of it. He chopped it with a shovel but IMMEDIATELY hit the rack in a cold sweat. We had no idea he had a true phobia about snakes. Yet he manned up and did the chivalrous thing to help her. If I’d been there, I would’ve run screaming like Daffy Duck.

  3. Brutus April 10, 2014 11:55 pm  Reply

    Celebs don’t cut their own grass…

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