Don’t Make Eye Contact, Don’t Do It

Executives crowded into elevator

 

 

Let’s just call it, Elevator Awkwardness. EA will be the new name for it.

EA is one of the most, well, awkward things in the world.

You get on an elevator, you have to go up how many floors, or down how many floors, and those mere seconds, seem like a damn lifetime.

While in Birmingham covering the SEC Media Days, I have had some serious EA moments. Serious!

I got on the elevator when I arrived here Monday, with a small suitcase, a backpack and a folder full of papers and as I got on, there was a mom and her daughter, who appeared to be about 15 or so, also on the elevator. I was struggling holding everything and dropped my folder with all of my papers right at the mom’s feet. Instead of helping me, she moved to the corner of the elevator and looked at the wall the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME! Wouldn’t any sane person have said, ‘let me get that for you.’ Nope! Her daughter took mom’s cue and did the same thing. I got off at my floor, pressed stop on the elevator and took about 2 minutes to pick everything up. Mom was about to explode. I only wish I could have farted as I walked out.

Wednesday morning, we are leaving the hotel at 4:45 a.m. to drive to the other hotel where

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Media Days are being held. I get on the elevator and there was another lady, who was heading down to work out. She was NOT expecting anyone to be on the elevator at that time. I got on, pushed the button and she started frantically pushing buttons, wanting the elevator to open up. She hit the wrong button, sending us back up, instead of going down. She got off on the 5th floor. The gym was on the 1st floor.

Today, I hopped on a packed elevator, which had to be the slowest one in the world, and no one uttered a word the entire time. It was EA at the worst. Or best.

I told someone about the EA and he said he was on one yesterday with a South Carolina fan and several Florida fans. The South

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Carolina fan, hoping to eliminate EA asked the Florida fan, ‘How are you guys gonna do this year?’ The Florida fan responded by saying, ‘As long as we kick the sh*t out of you and your shi**y team, I don’t care.’

Ahh, EA. How about this? Do what I do when I get on. Say hi to everyone on the elevator. Watch them try not to make eye contact with you. When they do, the look on their faces that a complete stranger is talking to them, is just pure gold.

It is 100% pure EA. And that makes me happy.

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