Ask Big Joe

ASK BIG JOE?  Oh yes!!

ASK BIG JOE? Oh yes!!

It is time for what People Magazine calls ‘The Best Advice From Someone You Have Never Heard Of.’

Ask Big Joe.  Like I said a few a weeks ago, think of me like your own personal Dear Abby.  Except I am alive.

The overriding theme this week was about the world of sports.  And you guys asked some really thought gripping questions.

question-mark1(Frank from Franklin)

Dear Big Joe,

What do you think of this Aaron Hernandez mess?  

Thanks Frank.  Put it this way.  Hernandez went from being a Tight End with the Patriots, to a NOT so tight end in jail.

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(Ben from Dallas)

DEAR BIG JOE,

My friends and I want to know.  Who is better.  LBJ or MJ?  One has 6 rings, the other 2. 

Wow, I gotta go with LBJ.  Just what he did with an OK supporting cast and he was able to elevate those around him to another level.  His passion and desire was second to none.  He walked into a bad situation and made the best out of it.  Funny, though, if JFK doesn’t get killed, then LBJ would have probably never become President.  The 60’s were a crazy time man.  What’s that?  LeBron James?  Oh, my bad.  Umm sure.  But going against a dead guy in Michael Jackson is an easy win, so I don’t know.

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(Nik from Florida)

DEAR BIG JOE,

What is the most incredible athletic feat you have ever seen.  The tightrope guy who crossed the Grand Canyon has to be at the top.  He also walked over Niagara Falls last year without any problem.  He has done so much to inspire so many around the country with his heroic athletic feats.  He shows people that no matter what, they can accomplish their goals and knock down their fears.  In short, he is simply amazing. Thanks.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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(Ted from Knoxville)

Dear Big Joe

I want to pick up a sport and start playing.  I am 52, 5’10, 225, and haven’t ran or  worked out in over 30 years.  What should I try first? Thanks. 

Let’s start with breathing.

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(KS from Houston)

Dear Big Joe,

How do you see the Titans doing this season?  I think with an improved offensive line, better defense and Jake Locker being awesome, they are playoff bound. 

HAHAHAHAHAHA!  You said playoffs!  Oh God.  Dude, you have been hacked.

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(Henry from Memphis)

Dear Big Joe,

What would you do to make baseball more exciting?

Good God, finally a great question.  Here is what the Big Joe would do.  First, if you strike out, you will be killed on the field.  Imagine the pressure the batters would have.  Secondly, if you get caught stealing, you automatically lose a limb.  Third, if you make an error of any kind, you will get 25 lashes in between innings.

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( Derek from Athens)

Dear Big Joe,

How will Derek Dooley’s legacy be remembered in Knoxville?  

You know when you go to the bathroom after eating at Taco Bell and you walk out and say, ‘Jesus!  That was disgusting!’  There you go.

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(James from Vandy,err, Nashville)

Dear Big Joe,

What do u thnk bout the job James Franklin has done at Vandy?  I hav nvr seen a coach do so much 2 bring a program up so fast and so awesomely awesome.  U hv 2 b impressed, u just have 2 b.

Umm, James, you don’t have to write an email like it is Twitter.  It is cool dude.  There is no 140 character limit.  You, I mean, he has done a great job in 2 years at Vandy. Oh by the way, have fun at USC or Texas in 2014.

7 Comments

  1. Shirley Schettino June 27, 2013 6:02 pm  Reply

    Joe, this is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh! My favorite line? ” First, if you strike out, you will be killed on the field.” Good stuff!

    • Joe Dubin July 1, 2013 11:56 pm  Reply

      It would make baseball a whole lot better…

  2. Steve Martin July 1, 2013 7:17 pm  Reply

    If a tree falls in the forest and there is no woman to hear it, am I still wrong?

    • Joe Dubin July 1, 2013 11:54 pm  Reply

      Women are always right, right?

      • Steve Martin July 3, 2013 2:23 pm  Reply

        I’m qualified to say, let me go ask Norma and I’ll get back to you on that.

        • Steve Martin July 3, 2013 3:11 pm  Reply

          I’m *NOT qualified…

          • Joe Dubin July 8, 2013 11:31 pm 

            Yes you are….believe in yourself…

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