The Penn State crowd calls him Coach Franklin.
The Vandy crowd calls him ‘Poach’ Franklin.
Either way, James Franklin’s fall from grace in Nashville is worse than Garth Brooks’ try as Chris Gaines, who ironically enough, is the same name as the greatest linebacker in Vanderbilt football history.
But, reports keep coming in that Franklin is still taking Vandy recruits. He says the recruits fall in love with the coach, not the school.
Ehh, anyways, we at BJOTG have obtained Franklin’s itinerary from his first day on the job as head coach at Penn State. Enjoy!
- 5am: Arrive in office. Check Twitter. Prank call David Williams, tell him I am Derek Mason and that I want to take the job at Cumberland. Then send out Tweet on how everything here is better.
- 6am: Eat breakfast. Change signature on Email from #AnchorDown to #Suckas. Text JayZ. Again.
- 7am: Mirror time! Stare into the mirror for 10 mins. Block Butch Jones on Twitter.
- 9am: Met rest of Athletic staff. Got them fooled too. Just smile and say something about wanting to be here, dream job, life goals,
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blah blah blah bullshit.
- 11am: Check Twitter. Block Clay Phillips. Again. Google my name and admire myself.
- Noon: Called front desk at Vandy athletic department. Told them I left my recruiting notebook somewhere in the building. I really need it back. They search frantically while I laugh. Ignore multiple texts from Greg Pogue.
- 1pm: Eat lunch. Send out tweet on ‘Being Strong and Staying Focused, Never Settling, etc.’ While on twitter, block Hosie and Lee Crowe. Call every Vandy recruit. Tell them Vandy is going 1-AA and putting more of an emphasis on Lacrosse.
- 2pm: Go on Dan Patrick show. Tell him how this is where I belong. If he starts in on poaching recruits, will tell him about a great video some school did down south on Tanzania.
- 3pm: Met with the football team. Told them I loved them, cared for them. Faked crying, got all ’emotional,’ and choked up, could barely talk. Basically same shit I told Vandy when I got the job. Have staff send Zeppos an invoice for ‘Rocket Fuel,’ and if he had a problem with the bill, give them Butch Jones’ number.
- 4pm: Search for name on Twitter.
- 5pm: Met with guy who is writing my auto-biography. Call George Plaster, tell him I want to come on his show at 5:30. Give him the number of Papa John’s on West End.
- 6pm: Home visit with a recruit. Make sure my staff lays down rose petals as I approach.
- 7pm: Call old Vandy staff. Tell them I am lonely, made a huge mistake, and I wanna come home, etc. When they say, “really?”
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Just laugh and say ‘Are you sh*tting me?” Laugh and hang up.
- 9pm: Head home. Stop by Goodwill and drop off all my Vandy stuff. Then realized I am in Happy Valley. There isn’t jack sh*t here. Damn!