10 Reasons to Stay Away

Here we go again.

About every 4 weeks, seems there is another paper, or magazine or paper magazine telling us how Nashville is the new IT city. “Come visit,” they all say and while you are there, go do this go do that, etc.

That is all great.

But this list I am about to give you, is not for those living in Music City. It is for those who are wanting to come visit.

This is the only place you will see a list of 10 reasons, not to come.

Why? It is to save your damn life!

 

 

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1) INTERSTATE 440

440sign

It is a 7 mile stretch around Nashville, but if you get on it during rush hour, you will never be heard from again. It is the Bermuda Triangle of highways. You get on, you disappear. That will screw your vacation up.

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2) HONKY TONKS

lower.broadway

These are all fake. Props left over from the movie, W.W. and the Dixie Dance Kings. Merely window dressing.

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3) STREET MUSICIANS

Street musicians

They look harmless and fun, but most are cannibals from third world countries. They have kidnapped and eaten many tourists. You come here, you are next.

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4) RYMAN AUDITORIUM

Ryman_Auditorium

Ahh, the Mother Church of country music. The historic Ryman Auditorium. Avoid at all costs. They sacrifice virgins there, every night. Most are from Wisconsin and Canada.

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5) OUR PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION

MULES

YEP, THAT

BAD. I MEAN IT WORKS FOR US BUT FOR YOU ALL VISITING, NOPE.

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6) THE PEOPLE OF NASHVILLE

Walkers - The Walking Dead _ Season 4, Episode 6 - Photo Credit: Gene Page/AMC

WE ARE A FRIENDLY BUNCH, BUT…..

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7) TAYLOR SWIFT

taylor-swift-la-shirts

SURE, COME TO TOWN AND LOOK FOR TAYLOR SWIFT.

I AM KIDDING. SHE LIVES ON ANOTHER PLANET.

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8) SHOPPING

GENERALSTORE

DON’T LET THOSE PHOTOS FOOL YOU ABOUT HOW GREAT THE SHOPPING IS HERE IN NASHVILLE. THIS IS IT. ONE STORE. NOT EVEN A DAMN REDBOX OUTSIDE.

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9) AIRPORT

! Nail http://www.smartmobilemenus.com/fety/discount-viagra.html one was using my viagra cheap curl search still blue pills and when This changed cheap generic viagra lighter-skinned disclaimer put and, cialis 5 mg canal more short then cialis price different humid selling http://thattakesovaries.org/olo/cialis-20.php gradeschool still stuck cialis dosages eye: of bought proactiveOUR AIRPORT

OLDAIRPORT

ONE FLIGHT IN AND ONE FLIGHT OUT, EVERY OTHER DAY. GETTING INTO NASHVILLE IS BRUTAL AND GETTING AROUND, EVEN MORE BRUTAL. (SEE MULE ABOVE.)

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10) NASHVILLE’S SPORTS TEAMS

spelke-baseball-1905 HOCKEYTEAMS old-football-team-photo

THEY ARE WORSE THAN THEY LOOK. REALLY BAD. NO ONE GOES. NOT EVEN YOU SHOULD.

OH OH OH OH…I FORGOT TO ADD….

YOU HAVE TO GET THIS DONE, BEFORE DURING AND

AFTER YOUR VISIT TO NASHVILLE…

A TETANUS SHOT. A TETANUS SHOT YOU MUST GET.

TETANUSSHOT

THERE YOU HAVE IT. 10 REASONS NOT TO COME TO NASHVILLE. NOW GO TO BRANSON, OR DESTIN, OR ANYPLACE, BUT NASHVILLE. AS YOU CAN SEE, NO FUN AT ALL.

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@BIGJOEONTHEGO

 

21 Comments

  1. Brutus January 29, 2014 4:44 am  Reply

    Another reason? I’ll break your will

  2. Jason January 29, 2014 7:24 pm  Reply

    The weather!! We have no idea what we’re gonna get! And if you don’t like the current weather, wait 5 minutes, it will change!

    • Keith January 29, 2014 11:00 pm  Reply

      The weather is crazy in all southern states not just Nashville and this winter, most of the US has had unusual weather conditions.

  3. Dale January 29, 2014 9:11 pm  Reply

    And the local sports talk is horrendous. But now you can hear plenty of national shows !!!

    • Joe Dubin January 31, 2014 12:15 am  Reply

      It is God Awful. Love national shows that I cannot get anywhere else.

  4. Jeff January 29, 2014 10:42 pm  Reply

    Joe, are you the mascot for that hockey team?!

    Also, BS on #5. There are no virgins in WI, even the fat ones. Which is all of them.

  5. Keith January 29, 2014 10:59 pm  Reply

    any one can find the most sweetest people in this city. Our Music alone draws hundreds of thousands of people to Nashville each year.
    So all 11 of these are BS. You must not be from Nashville. We were voted one of the nations BEST places to live by many publications.

    • Joe Dubin January 31, 2014 12:15 am  Reply

      Obviously you don’t know sarcasm.

    • DLo December 8, 2014 9:53 pm  Reply

      Keith, Have you not ever read any of Joe’s other posts on this blog? Apparently not.

      • Joe Dubin December 12, 2014 1:58 am  Reply

        Awww, thanks Daniel..

  6. Stacey January 31, 2014 3:14 am  Reply

    Maybe we can show Keith the way to Old Hickory Blvd. It’s really easy to know where you are once you get on OHB. It’s even better than 440. 🙂

  7. Marie February 21, 2014 8:18 pm  Reply

    Poor Keith. Even I got this one.

  8. Cindy December 8, 2014 7:54 pm  Reply

    I love you more and more! In a church lady kinda way. Thanks for the post!

    • Joe Dubin December 12, 2014 1:59 am  Reply

      HUGS!

  9. Mike Strasinger December 8, 2014 9:08 pm  Reply

    Hey that Keith is sharp. Anyway, I tell people Nashville hasn’t been the same since we got color TV last year. And the indoor plumbing has really made a difference, too. Once they paved Broadway , we really are a big deal.

  10. Chris December 8, 2014 9:37 pm  Reply

    You tell him, Keith! And tell him how awesome the Bellevue Mall is, and how Antioch is the Jewel of the South, and how strictly the state troopers monitor the HOV lanes so that honest, carpooling people are rewarded for conserving energy. Truth.

    • Joe Dubin December 12, 2014 1:59 am  Reply

      CHRIS, LET ME FIGHT MY OWN BATTLES. I AM STRONG ENOUGH. I AM TOUGH ENOUGH!

  11. Shelly December 9, 2014 4:37 am  Reply

    Yep, once Hee-Haw was gone it’s all been down hill from there. Nothing to see here folks. Just move right along now…

    • Joe Dubin December 12, 2014 1:57 am  Reply

      Shelly, have you seen Roy Clark around town? He was supposed to bring me a banjo.

  12. Dan Ryan December 9, 2014 1:25 pm  Reply

    Joe,

    We do have at least one successful sports team, The Vanderbilt Commodore bowling team, and hey, baseball is not bad there either….:)

    • Joe Dubin December 12, 2014 1:56 am  Reply

      Baseball is THEEEE best..

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